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Very Dirty English Jokes – T’was the night before

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissedHe cussed out the elves and threw down his listMiserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a yearInstead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hearThe old lady bitches cause I work late at nightThe elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maidsDonner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDSAnd just when I thought that things would get betterThose assholes from IRS sent me a letter They say I owe taxes – if that ain’t damn funnyWho the hell ever sent Santa Clause any moneyAnd the kids these days – they all are the pitsThey want the impossible …Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sledsAssembling dolls…Their arms, legs and headsI made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for themThey want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM! If you think that’s bad…just picture thisTry holding those brats…with their pants full of pissThey pull on my nose – they grab at my beardAnd if I don’t smile..the parents think I’m weird Flying through the air…dodging the treesFalling down chimneys and skinning my kneesI’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoymentI’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemploymentThere’s no Christmas this year…now you know the reasonI found me a blonde.. I’m going SOUTH for the season!!

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Updated: May 20, 2016 — 3:14 pm

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