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Sexy Jokes In English – A girl asks her

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and “do it” for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection anddoing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he’d like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in.” The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutespass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, “I had no idea you were so religious.” The boy turns and whispers back, “I had no idea yourfather was a pharmacist.”


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Sexy Jokes In English – A man had just

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, “Life isn’t so bad after all,” and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. “Thank you,” he said. “I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind.” “I am not dancing,” the armless man replied bitterly. “My asshole itches, and I can’t scratch it!”

English 18+ Adult Jokes – A young man wanted

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sisterpurchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister gotthe gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package andsent it to his sweetheart with the following note: “I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, who wore a pair just to show me how they looked on her, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year! All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”

Very Dirty English Jokes – A man meets a

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. After a night of passion and love making, they are lying together in the after glow. The man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it? Wasn’t it the best Sex?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf!”

English Adult Jokes – A private is on

A private is on duty in the motor POOL when the phone rings. “Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?” ,the voice on the other end asked. “Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half-dozen half tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat ass Grazulis’ command jeep.” “Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?” “No sir!” “This is Major Grazulis, your commander.” “Uh sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?” “Not yet!” “That’s good! Bye, Fat Ass!”

Sex Jokes In English – A guy goes to

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he’s been a little too well endowed. In fact, his dick is 25 inches long. Can’t get any women to have Sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there’s nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help. The witch takes a look at his dick and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. “Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, your dick will be 5 inches shorter.” Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest. He finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. “Will you marry me?” he calls to the frog. Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, “No.” Guy looks down, sure enough, he’s 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, let’s try that again. “Will you marry me?” he asks the frog. The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, “No!” Now the guy’s down to 15 inches. Well that’s still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, “Will you marry me?” The frog yells back, “Look, how many times do I have to tell you? No. No. NO!”

Restricted English Jokes – Melissa I don’t know

“Melissa, I don’t know what to do,” Janice said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Mike in accounting asked me out on Saturday night. Should I go?” “Oh, my gosh,” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he’ll rip off your dress and you’ll have fantastic Sex!” “What should I do?” “Wear an old dress.”

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