Month: August 2016

One day Husband Said to his wife
“Darling, I Have To Confess You That When I’m Having Sex With You, I Sometimes Think About Other Women.”
Wife Think about a second and slap him
“You Bastard I Always Knew You Dont Love Me. I Love You So Much That Even When I Have Sex With Other Men, I Always Think About You!”

One day, two old men were in the hallway of their nursing home in their wheelchairs. The nurse approaches the first old man who is making car noises and pretending to drive. “Homer, what are you doing?” asked the nurse. “I’m driving to Florida.” replied the man. “Okay. Be careful.” said the nurse. About an hour or so later, the nurse returned and Homer was still pretending to drive. “Where are you now, Homer?” the nursed asked the man. “Almost there” replied the old man. At that moment, the nurse looked over at the other old man who was jerking off. “What on earth are you doing, Fred?” asked the nurse. Fred replied, “I’m screwing Homer’s wife while he’s out of town!”

One day Superman was flying around when he got the urge to have Sex. Flying over a rooftop he noticed a naked Wonder Woman spread eagle! Knowing that she would not consent to having Sex with him, he did the next best thing, faster than a speeding bullet, he swooped down, had Sex and flew off all in the blink of an eye. Feeling the gust of wind Wonder Woman said, “What the hell was that!” “I don’t know”, replied the Invisible Man, “but my asshole is killing me!”

Man goes to the RED LIGHT area.
Madame inquire:’ r u married ?’
He replied :’What difference does it make ?’
She said:’We are here to serve the needy & not the greedy ! ‘

John was standing in Victoria Secrets staring at a collection of Wonder Bras. The clerk noticed he had been there for some time, so she walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance. John answered, “Well, if it’s a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the size she is, or the size I want her to be?”

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her. After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?” “That is something I have never done before,” Jill replied. “Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” Jack was amazed. “No, silly!” she giggled. “I’ve never objected!”

Man was lying nude on the beach. A Sexy babe starts playing
TABLA
on his butts.
Man : ‘what r u doing ?’
Girl ‘Playing TABLA ‘
Man turns other side & said,’ can u play the flute ‘

Out in the Wild West, Jesse James’s gang forces a train to stop, and Jesse climbs on board. He bursts into a passenger car, pulls out his guns, and fires. Blam! Blam! “All right!” he yells. “I’m going to screw all the men and kill all the women!” Blam! Blam! “That’s right!” he growls. “I’m going to fuck all the men and kill all the women!” A guy in the front row says, “Uh, Mr. James, I think you’ve got it backwards.” Suddenly a high pitched man’s voice in the back calls out, “EXCUSE ME, but Mr. James is robbing the train here!”

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies. Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately, she becomes very ill and dies. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, “At least, they’re finally together.” A man standing next to the priest asks, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?” The priest says, “I mean her legs.”

An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when suddenly she had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later, Bob got on the elevator. He began to sniff, and the Avon lady asked, “Do you smell something?” “Well, yes I do,” he replied. “What does it smell like?” Bob answered, “I’m not sure, but it kinda smells like someone shit in a pine tree.”